A letter to Parents of Eagle Scout candidates,
First of all, congratulations! Yes, it is your scout who had made it this
far in the ranks of Boy Scouts, but we all know that it is unlikely for them to
have gotten this far without the support and guidance of their parents. So well done!
Now you are entering the part of scouting that may be the
most difficult for you, because it involves stepping back and letting your
scout demonstrate the skills and knowledge he has gained in his scouting years
by planning, developing and demonstrating leadership in his Eagle project.
“Stepping back” is not something parents do well (and I’m
speaking from experience), particularly when things don’t go as planned and
problems arise. We want to fix things,
to ease the path for our children, to help them succeed. I get it.
But for this project, it is important to understand that the
best way you can help your son succeed is to not interfere with this learning
process. He must take responsibility for
his project and he must make the decisions and take the actions necessary to
complete it. If you do it for him, he
hasn’t succeeded at all.
So here are some “Do’s” and “Don’ts” for parents, starting
with the “Don’ts”.
- Don’t choose the project for your son. He must do this.
- DON'T plan the project for him. He must do this.
- Don’t make phone calls or set up meetings for your son. He must do that.
- Don’t complete any of the forms or documents for your son. He must do that.
- Don’t try to solve problems that arise. He must do that.
- Don’t contact the coach or the district representative with questions. Your son must do that.
- Don’t be too active in the implementation of the project. At most, be a worker bee. Don't lead or direct.
Again, I get
it. This is hard. But it might help to think of your son not as
your child but perhaps as a friend or even a co-worker trying to complete a
trying project. Would you do it for
them? No. It’s not your responsibility to do so. It’s theirs. You can support them, but you can't do it for them.
But in that
line of thought, you should recognize what you CAN do for your son to help him
truly succeed and learn and accomplish his goal:
- You CAN listen to him when he talks about problems he is encountering.
- You CAN offer suggestions on paths to take (though the ultimate decision is up to him).
- You CAN help him set up a plan of attack for his project, with deadlines of when he wants to accomplish certain goals.
- You CAN gently remind him if those deadlines are imminent and ask what his plan is for completion.
- You CAN suggest that he contact his Life-to-Eagle coach if problems arise.
- You CAN grab a cup of coffee and sit back and watch your child direct Scouts and adults during his Eagle project and recognize with pride how far he has come and how much work he has put into this.
Note that if you call me or email me, I will ask that you have your son contact me. Don't take offense. That's part of my job! :-) I'm not here to help you. I'm here to guide your son through this process. He's the one I need to talk to.
This can be
a very rewarding experience for both parents and Scouts, but for parents it is
more rewarding the less that you do.
Enjoy watching your son learn and grow and practice the skills that will
carry him into adulthood.
Let go, step
back and celebrate it.
Laurie
Rodriguez
Life-to-Eagle
Coach
Troop 677,
Sammamish
